From Lone Wolves to Strong Packs: Men, Mental Health, and Modern Masculinity
Movember and the Meaning of Manhood
Movember is about more than moustaches. It’s about men’s health in its broadest sense: physical, psychological, and social. Each year, the campaign draws attention to prostate and testicular cancer, but also to something less visible and often more dangerous—men’s mental health.
“Men’s mental health is often hidden, yet it is as critical as physical health. Addressing it requires understanding the social and cultural pressures that shape masculinity today”
Behind the statistics on depression, anxiety, and suicide lies a deeper cultural question: what does it mean to be a man today? Masculinity has changed dramatically over the last century. Many men feel unsure of their role, disconnected from others, and pressured to live up to ideals that are confusing, commercialised, and unattainable.
Image: Vecteezy.com
Masculinity Then and Now: A Century of Change
A hundred years ago, masculinity was defined by narrow but relatively clear roles: breadwinner, protector, soldier, labourer. Strength, stoicism, and self-reliance were valued. Social and economic structures reinforced these expectations: factories, unions, churches, and sports clubs provided male-dominated spaces where identity and camaraderie were forged.
The wars of the twentieth century shaped masculinity profoundly. Men were expected to fight, endure, and sacrifice. Returning home, they carried unspoken trauma, but also a sense of solidarity with one another. Male friendships were often forged in hardship, and communities were built around collective survival.
The second half of the century brought enormous change. The feminist movement challenged gender roles. Globalisation and deindustrialisation eroded traditional male-dominated industries. The rise of service economies placed new value on communication, collaboration, and emotional intelligence—skills many men had never been encouraged to develop.
The Bastardisation of Stoicism and the Lone Wolf Ideal
What many now think of as “traditional masculinity” was, in large part, a product of colonial and pre-war social orders. It was rooted in stoicism: a demand for endurance, self-discipline, and silence in the face of hardship. In its original form, this stoicism made sense within the cultural conditions of the time. Patriarchal structures meant men’s authority was rarely questioned, colonial expansion rewarded aggression and control, and communities valorised sacrifice for empire, family, or industry. In such a world, stoicism reinforced collective survival, productivity, and dominance (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Courtenay, 2000).
Transplanting this ethos into the present has stripped it of context. The industrial economy has shifted, the authority of patriarchal institutions has been challenged, and social interdependence is now valued as much as individual endurance. When men attempt to live out a pre-war masculine script in a postmodern society, the result is a hollow performance—stoicism without solidarity, strength without service, silence without purpose.
This hollowness has morphed into what is now celebrated in certain corners of culture as the “lone wolf.” Unlike the wartime or industrial man, who was stoic within a larger collective, the modern lone wolf is radically isolated. He endures for no one but himself. His strength becomes brittle, because it is untested in the bonds of community. His silence becomes dangerous, because it cuts him off from the support that once came from family, brotherhood, or faith.
By the twenty-first century, masculinity was in flux. Men were no longer confined to rigid breadwinner roles, yet many still felt pressure to achieve financial success, physical strength, and emotional stability all at once. The old certainties had disappeared, but healthier, broader models of masculinity were still emerging. For many men, this left a void (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Mahalik et al., 2003).
The Crisis of Connection
Loneliness in Men
Loneliness is a major health concern, with effects comparable to smoking or obesity (Holt-Lunstad, Smith, & Layton, 2010; Holt-Lunstad, 2015). Men are particularly vulnerable. Social research shows that men in midlife report fewer close friendships than women and are less likely to confide in others about emotional struggles (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). Many men rely heavily on their partner for emotional support, which creates vulnerability if that relationship ends (Seidler et al., 2016).
Platonic Love and Male Friendship
Deep, platonic love between men has a long history. Indigenous cultures around the world celebrated brotherhood and kinship, embedding male closeness in ritual, spirituality, and community. In Australia, “mateship” once symbolised solidarity, sacrifice, and loyalty.
But in modern times, expressing emotional closeness between men can feel taboo. Stereotypes equate vulnerability with weakness, and male affection is often policed by the fear it could be misinterpreted as sexual. Under patriarchy, masculinity has historically been valued above femininity, which means that sexual relationships between men are often framed as a “step down” into the feminine. Homophobia is one expression of this hierarchy, where heterosexual masculinity is made fragile because any sign of love between men risks being read as sexual and therefore “lesser” (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005; Reeves, 2022).
The hyper-sexualisation of relationships also discourages men from expressing love openly. To protect their heterosexual identity, many men avoid showing affection at all—leaving them with friendships that are warm on the surface but thin when it comes to grief, fear, or vulnerability.
“Males are socialised to fear intimacy with other men, confusing love with sexual intent, and vulnerability with weakness”
Yet there is another way. Reclaiming platonic love as a core expression of masculinity allows men to form deeper bonds, resilience, and solidarity. When men are free to show love to one another without fear, they strengthen not only themselves but their communities.
The Lone Wolf Myth
Humans are primates; our survival depended on cooperation (de Waal, 2008; Tomasello, Melis, Tennie, Wyman, & Herrmann, 2012). Harari (2014) reminds us in Sapiens:
“Cooperation is what made us the most successful species on the planet; our strength lies in our networks, in our ability to work together”
The modern lone wolf ideal runs directly against this evolutionary inheritance. To live as though isolation were strength is to ignore what makes us human. Our nervous systems are wired for connection; oxytocin and dopamine regulate wellbeing through social bonds (Holt-Lunstad et al., 2010; de Waal, 2008).
Seen this way, the lone wolf is not only a cultural myth but an evolutionary impossibility. True strength comes not from standing apart, but from standing together—whether in a wolf pack, a primate troop, or a community of men.
Masculinity Hijacked: The Commercialisation and Politicisation Parallel
For decades, femininity was commodified through media and advertising — packaged into lifestyles, diets, and desirability. In recent years, masculinity has followed. Men are now sold an image of success and virility through fitness industries, influencer culture, and self-improvement empires. Strength is measured in abs, ambition, and “alpha” status, not in compassion or integrity.
But this is more than a marketing issue — masculinity has become politicised. As Richard Reeves (2022) notes in Of Boys and Men:
“Both sides of the political spectrum have exploited male discontent, often for ideological gain rather than genuine change. Men are portrayed alternately as victims of feminism or as inherently problematic”
On the right, masculinity is romanticised as something under siege — a victim of feminism and “woke culture.” On the left, it is often problematised, reduced to “toxic masculinity” without offering men constructive models for healthy strength.
This political tug-of-war leaves many men alienated. They recognise the cracks in the old system but are unsure what to build in its place. Rather than providing guidance, political movements have often deepened polarisation — weaponizing men’s pain to reinforce identity-based voting patterns.
Meanwhile, industries surrounding men’s well-being — supplements, grooming, self-optimisation — promise solutions but deliver only consumption. Men are urged to “fix” themselves individually rather than examine the broader cultural and systemic shifts that created their isolation in the first place.
“Masculinity has been turned into a political football—kicked between outrage and neglect ”
Men are caught between commodification and politicisation — sold lifestyles instead of belonging, and narratives instead of meaning. Reeves (2022) argues that the real challenge is to create new cultural and institutional spaces where men can rediscover purpose through contribution, connection, and care — not dominance or defensiveness.
Reclaiming Masculinity: Pro-Man, Pro-Community
Decolonising Masculinity
Colonial patriarchy shaped masculinity around domination and hierarchy. Indigenous cultures valued care, kinship, and ritual. Reclaiming masculinity through these lenses broadens the ideal to include cooperation, courage, and care (Dudgeon, Milroy, & Walker, 2014). Men can be strong and resilient while also nurturing and connected.
Diversity of Expression
Masculinity is not a single, fixed identity. It can encompass toughness and gentleness, leadership and humility, independence and interdependence (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005). Expanding our understanding allows men to inhabit a fuller spectrum of experiences without shame or fear of judgment.
“Real strength is found in embracing the full range of human experience — the capacity to fight, to protect, and to love”
Social Justice Alignment
Emotionally literate men contribute to families and communities, showing that pro-man advocacy aligns with social justice (Addis & Mahalik, 2003). By rejecting outdated hierarchies and embracing interdependence, men can become allies in dismantling inequity while fostering resilience in themselves and those around them.
Pathways Forward
Expand intimacy – Normalise vulnerability and affection in male friendships. Encourage men to share fears, grief, and doubts with other men, creating a network of support (Sagar-Ouriaghli et al., 2019).
Build emotional literacy – Equip men to identify and express emotions safely. Emotional vocabulary and reflective practices can strengthen mental health and relational capacity (Addis & Mahalik, 2003).
Reclaim communal spaces – Men’s Sheds, volunteering, creative groups, and sports clubs provide structured spaces for meaningful interaction (Kelly et al., 2019).
Challenge commercialised ideals – Educate men about marketing and social media pressures that commodify masculinity. Shift focus from appearance or dominance to personal growth and relational skills (Waling, 2018).
Therapy and support – Professional mental health spaces help men process identity, stress, and relational growth safely, complementing community-based strategies (Seidler et al., 2016).
These pathways emphasise collective resilience over individual performance, helping men thrive as members of communities rather than isolated “lone wolves.”
Conclusion: The Pack Matters
Masculinity is not broken, but constrained and commodified. The lone wolf may look strong, but he is fragile. Wolves and men alike thrive in packs, relying on one another for protection, growth, and survival.
By reclaiming connection, redefining strength, and creating spaces for authentic male bonding, men can build communities that are resilient, compassionate, and socially engaged. This is masculinity in its richest form: a force not for domination or isolation, but for care, courage, and shared purpose.
“From lone wolves to strong packs, the future of masculinity is collective, compassionate, and deeply human”
References
de Waal, F. (2008). The age of empathy: Nature’s lessons for a kinder society. Harmony.
Harari, Y. N. (2014). Sapiens: A brief history of humankind. Harper.
Movember Foundation. (2024). Men’s mental health report 2024. Movember Foundation.
Reeves, R. (2022). Of boys and men: Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it. Brookings Institution Press.